his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
