we're blogging at a bar
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
