gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
