I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
