Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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