Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
