true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
