SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
