Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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