you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
