My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
