If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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