He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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