I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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