what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
