I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You ate ashes out of my bong
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
