Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
