Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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