I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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