A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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