he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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