Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
