Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
