Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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