I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
