My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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