she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I love you. Go after that dick
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
