Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
