ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
