We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
