I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
