Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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