Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
