I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
