Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
