Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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