champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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