This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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