how can u be prego again
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
