I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I could fuck to npr.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
