My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
