Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
