Is it because I queefed?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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