I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
