my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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