i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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