I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
