I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
