Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
