remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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