fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
