You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
