were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
