I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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