Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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