i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
