then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize