I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
