You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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